Emotional Intelligence For Healthy Relationships

Relationship problems generally stem from a lack of empathy and emotional maturity. Partners fail to see issues in the relationship from the other person’s perspective.

It’s easy to think the other person is in the wrong and you don’t need to change your own behavior. Even when the other person is telling you what the problem is.

How Do You Get Your Partner To Change

You have to be willing to change yourself. And to do so will require emotional intelligence and empathy.

When people have more emotional awareness, they are able to be more empathetic to the other person’s perspective. They are willing to make their own effort to change their own behaviour. And when their partner sees this effort, they will be more likely to change their own negative behaviors on their own accord.

But communication is also important. Your partner needs to be aware of concerns you have about their behavior. They cannot change if they are not aware of the problem.

You should make them aware of concerns you have about their behavior but don’t harp on it. They have to make the decision to change of their own accord. If you try to force change upon them, it will usually engage a stubborn response.

The best way to elicit change in your is to gently make them aware of your concerns and then show them that you are making your own effort to improve the relationship and address their concerns. This will engage the rule of reciprocity. They will make the decision to change their own behavior.

This all applies to not just romantic relationships but relationships with family members, your children, friends, workmates.

Avoid Complaining About Your Partner to Others

Be careful in complaining to others about your relationship. Your friends and families will likely agree with your complaints because they think that is the right thing to do.

And that will reinforce those negative ideas you hold about your partner. It will also engage your Reticular Activation System (RAS) to look for more evidence that your partner is a bad person. This will create a me vs them dynamic, which will engage more stubbornness and continue to perpetuate negative issues.

If you do want to talk to someone else about problems in your relationship, try to find someone who is willing to challenge what you’re saying.

While it can feel good to have friends agree with your complaints about your partner, they are often doing a disservice to your relationship.

Instead, you need someone who is supportive of you but will also get you to question some of the things you’re saying. They will get you to stop and think from your partner’s perspective.

This will help you to develop more empathy for your partner. And it will stop your negative feelings towards your partner from spiralling out of control.

Testing For Emotional Intelligence

You can test people to see what they say about their past relationships, past jobs, family, etc. If they complain about those people, they are likely to be lacking in emotional awareness.

If you were to get into a relationship with them, chances are they will one day complain about you, which will cause relationship problems.

Notice how the person speaks about others in general. Do they show empathy towards others? Do they hold grudges? Do they stop and listen?

By screening potential partners for emotional intelligence before entering a relationship, you can save yourself a lot of stress later on. Of course, you should also work to improve your own emotional intelligence as well.

Writer on self development, marketing, advertising and life.